That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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