Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
