please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
