Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
