i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
