Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's blow job season.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
