Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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