one two three fourrrrnication!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
