are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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