i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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