doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
