Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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