Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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