That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
