Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
