Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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