I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
