when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
