You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
