Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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