Only a mothe r could love this liver
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
