She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
40s are totally the cure
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
