He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
