I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
In America we eat man semen.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
