You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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