I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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