it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize