$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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