your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
...so i touched it.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
