He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
