who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
