We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
