I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
