apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
