I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize