This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
