Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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