Swine flu. Run for my life!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize