Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
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