In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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