I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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