im drinking this country out of the recession.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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