Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I pour the whiskey from now on
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
