So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
