Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
