My nipple is on Facebook.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
