Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
