shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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