My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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