he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
