If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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