I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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