still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
