you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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