Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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