They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
