i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
