Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
