I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he was CRYING into my vagina
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
