a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm bleeding and have questions
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
