If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
