im six kinds of drunk right now
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
a search helicopter?!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
