she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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