make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
