I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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