So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
