Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This is the high leading the old right now
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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