Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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