he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
