my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
