I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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