Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
